As ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here’ rolls into a fifth day, and the third part of ‘The Hunger Games’ series hits the big screens, we got to thinking what a mash-up between the pair might look like.
The allusions below may not appear particularly scientific, because they’re not, but after the best part of a week of outback ‘action’, it would be interesting to see the stakes raised.
Melanie Sykes – Katniss Everdeen
There’s no doubt 2/1-shot Sykes is the J-Law of the jungle, and not just because the 44-year-old is a complete knockout.
Sykes made Jimmy Bullard look even more of a mug than usual when manning-up to the first task, sticking her hand in a tub full of crocodiles, crabs and other such aquatic nasties, while the former Fulham and Wigan midfielder basically cried.
And she’d look awesome donned in Xena: Warrior Princess-style garb, replete with bow and arrows of course.
Edwina Currie – President Snow
As the only politician in the jungle, John Major’s former bit-on-the-side gets the nod to step into the shoes of the ruler of the Capitol, and the dystopian dominion of Panem.
Currie’s terrible career as an author of fiction, which included classic titles such as ‘A Parliamentary Affair’ ‘A Woman’s Place’ and ‘Chasing Men’, indicate clear signs of a misguided sense of self worth, a characteristic often prevalent in psychotic megalomaniacs such as Snow.
She may also smell vaguely of synthetic roses from time to time.
Carl Fogarty – Peeta Mellark
The charismatic baker’s son who falls in love with Katniss at first sight displays similar cold, calculated characteristics at the beginning of the trilogy as Fogarty has in Australia, where the five-time Superbike world champion, available at 14/1 to outlast all others, is clearly playing a long game.
Michael Buerk – Haymitch Abernathy
The gnarly old news presenter fits perfectly into the character of wise owl Haymitch, who is forced to mentor the latest line of tributes for an event he hates, having lost his entire family many years ago after surviving the 50th Hunger Games.
We reckon Buerk feels roughly the same disdain for the jungle, and many of its inhabitants, although whether the veteran news reader was an alcoholic for the past half-century, like Abernathy in the books, is as yet unclear.
Tinchy Stryder – Cinna
The remonstrative rapper is the ideal candidate to take the role of Katniss’ stylist, being obviously rather good at waving his hands around and possessing the gift of the gab all good hairdressers require.
For real, though.
Jimmy Bullard – Caesar Flickerman
The motor-mouth nonsense merchant’s role in the Hunger Games could only be as Master of Ceremonies, where his chirpy cockney ways will be fully appreciated.
Furthermore, Bullard’s eminently-changeable blond hair is perfect for the chameleon-like Flickerman, who sports a different do, with a different hue, for every Hunger Games.
Gemma Collins – Wiress
She doesn’t last long.