It has been scientifically proven that betting on the Eurovision song contest is the only way to make watching it remotely tolerable.
Below are the ten leading contenders for the crown in Vienna in the eyes of the bwin odds moguls, each described a single sentence.
Sweden – 13/10 to win
Mats Zemerlow vogues in front of huge interactive powerpoint presentation like a reincarnation of Steve Jobs shilling a new and spectacularly unnecessary creation.
Russia – 7/2
It seems odd that a country which passed a law banning homosexual ‘propaganda’ is taking part in the campest event in christendom.
Italy – 9/2
Nice suits, shame about the song.
Belgium – 10/1
Loic Nottet is a budget version of Justin Timberlake in which the entire budget was spent on his hair and he makes a noise like an old man sitting down after every line.
Australia – 11/1
Allowed to join in for a one off, the Australians have clearly been mindful of not accidentally having to host next year’s event.
Estonia – 20/1
A half decent number this, with more than a hint of Tindersticks about it, made slightly uncomfortable by the intensity with which the duettists stare into one another’s eyes.
Norway – 33/1
Likely dictated to a prison guard through the grill of a padded cell at a high-security facility for the criminally insane.
Azerbaijan – 33/1
Elnur Huseynov quite rightly looks terrified of his dancers.
Serbia – 33/1
Bland as blancmange until 1:49, when whatever you taken finally kicks in and it morphs into a total banger.
Latvia – 40/1
Somehow manages to contain shades of Bjork, La Roux, Kate Bush and Florence while remaining utterly tuneless.