According to the good folks down at rumour mill HQ, Manchester United are readying themselves for an expensive end to the transfer window, though the gossip peddlers predicting this spending spree have failed to mention any players the Red Devils actually require as part of this late signing spate.
The back pages are awash with players of ranging reputation linked with last-minute Old Trafford switches, but there isn’t a single centre-back or striker among them.
Instead of adhering to logic when filling the column inches, those tasked to create these rumours have resorted to spuriousness, deceit and revisiting false tales they first told several summers ago.
Neymar to Man Utd, for instance – can anybody really see this happening?
It appears after flogging the dead horses of Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale to United rumours to no avail, those responsible for conjuring such fallacies have began working through the Barcelona roster in the hope of generating exciting transfer talk.
With Lionel Messi out of their price bracket and Luis Suarez persona non grata, Neymar is the obvious first port of call and is now rated 5/2 to be play for the Reds by September 1st 2016.
After what began as ‘secret talks’ ahead of a move this summer, rumourville propaganda spreaders have taken measures to dilute the story, stating any potential transfer will take place in a year’s time.
The drawbacks for both player and selling club sanctioning the sale far outweigh the positives and the fact that no Premier League club has been able to extract a first-team staple out of either of the Spanish heavyweights in what could well be the history of time drenches this lukewarm rumour in ice-cold water.
Elsewhere, the Red Devils have allegedly rekindled interest in Benfica playmaker Nicolas Gaitan for the thousandth time.
In order to succeed where they have failed in the past, United have enlisted the services of Portuguese ‘super agent’ Jorge Mendes, or so say the Daily Star.
Mendes may be one of the shrewdest negotiators in the business, but precisely what an unattached third party can do to make a £24.5m move that’s beneficial to nobody happen is impossible to fathom.
Finally, to complete your dose of hope-swelling fabrications for the day, ESPN have spilled the beans on United restarting their pursuit of Lazio wideman Felipe Anderson in light of missing out on Pedro.
This Brazilian is attainable, in the sense that Louis van Gaal’s side are big enough to attract him, but having already stressed he won’t be leaving the Italian capital once this summer, killing talk of the deal going through initially, the prospects of him gracing the Old Trafford pitch in a red shirt are just as negligible.