What better occasion than Ian Holloway’s return to Old Trafford to remember some of the more witty, wise and weird words of one of football’s more revered philosopher-poets.
On the art of the smash and grab victory:
“If you’re a burglar, it’s no good poncing about outside somebody’s house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don’t advocate that obviously, it’s just an analogy.”
On transfer window bargain hunting:
“I might be in a bit of a Skoda garage rather than a Mercedes garage, but I am telling you some old bangers don’t half polish up great.”
A somewhat unconvincing defence of Tony Pulis’ methodology:
“In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake gets talked about all the time is Rory’s throw. Call that cinnamon and he’s got a cinnamon flavoured cake. It’s not fair and it’s not right and it’s only a small part of what he does.”
On his recent FA fine:
“That fine cost more than my daughter’s wedding!”
On the changing face of football:
“My lot are the ugliest team ever to have worn the blue and white hoops – we certainly don’t sell many calendars. In my playing days we had some right good looking bastards, but this lot are the worst I’ve ever seen. They all look like dogs.”
And finally…on the perils of taking things for granted:
“You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I’m like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad.”
bwin are refunding losing single stakes on first, last and anytime scorer bets, along with correct score and multiple correct score wagers for Crystal Palace’s visit to Manchester United.