Watching Andre Schurrle add the finishing touches to Germany’s dynamiting of Brazilian footballing self-esteem in Belo Horizonte it was easy to imagine the first day back at Chelsea pre-season training being pretty awkward.
In the interests of Stamford Bridge diehards concerned about their 19/10-rated Premier League title bid we’ve been out to the back of the garage to dust off the seldom used news.bwin.com/en/ crystal ball
Here’s what it foresaw…
Schurrle: Yeah to be honest lads I couldn’t wait to get on against Brazil, they’d totally lost it.
I so nicked one off Tommy Mulls and what about that second goal eh, what a peach?
Even you wouldn’t have stopped that one Tibs.
Victor Moses: I’d keep it to yourself mate, the gaffer’s already got you down as our Darius Vassell.
Schurrle: This Darius Vassell doesn’t miss penalties though does he Vic? Can’t remember you having a shot in Brazil.
[In unison] Kenneth Omeruo and John Obi Mikel: Come off it Andre! Scouse Vic wasn’t at the World Cup…
[Enter Oscar, carrying large rucksack and rolling a suitcase, Schurrle passes him the ball, Oscar bursts into tears…]
Ramires: Too soon man, too soon.
John Terry: It’s alright for you and Willy, Rambo, no one will remember you were even involved a few years down the line.
Willian: Real talk JT, real talk, but let’s be honest, Sideshow Bob was to blame.
He was off his nut, still buzzing after that 40-yarder against the Colombians, gave more mans the elbow during 90 minutes than Jennifer Lopez has during a lifetime’s attempts at holy matrimony.
Terry: Still, we’d have given you a fearful battering if I’d been there to steady the ship, we smashed the Gerry 5-1 back in 2001, no offence Andre…
Schurrle: Mild for you JT!
Terry: Where are the Spanish lads anyhow, wanted to introduce myself to Cesc’s missus?
Jose Mourinho: Express yourself JT, you’re untouchable.
Bruce Buck’s already taken the liberty of getting her super injuctioned
Just do me a favour will you?
Terry: Anything for you dad…err I mean boss….
Wait until the physios have detached the electrodes, we’re trying to get them back to playing football at at least three-quarter speed post-World Cup before they’re allowed back to training with the rest of you.