The reign of Massimo Cellino at Leeds has begun in predictable fashion, with reports that the tight-wad Italian will not pay for playing-staff luxuries such as food and laundry.
Cellino’s latest move offers some explanation as to why the 55-year-old hired failed Forest Green boss David Hockaday to manage a club that, lest we forget, made it all the way to a Champions League semi-final at the start of this century.
Nevertheless, it’s our duty and pleasure to point the former convict in the direction of a few more ingenious money-making schemes…
Merge with Bradford
Only 19 places separated the Championship Whites from the League One Bantams last term, and Bradford lies just half an hour’s drive west of Leeds, or 20 minutes on the train.
The pair could show Sheffield and Bristol the way forward by pooling their resources ahead of a dual Yorkshire assault on the league ladder, while saving a bob or two to boot.
Have Leeds Rugby League boss Brian McDermott coach the footy boys as well
Cellino should have invited the Wakefield native into his office last January, shaved his head, given him a natty pair of glasses and pawned him off as the other Brian McDermott, while locking the former Reading boss in the highest tower, Alexandre Dumas-style.
It’s still a good idea…
Move to Scotland
Tired of being a regular-sized fish in the Championship swamp? Across the border, Champions League riches await any team capable of filling the SPL void vacated by Rangers, and the rent’s cheaper too!
Sell sponsorship rights to Pets at Home
‘Leeds leads’? It’s hard to figure out why this hasn’t been thought of sooner.
Save a few quid by hiring a no-mark manager who struggled in the Conference
Ah. It seems that well has already run dry.
Flog Sam Byram
There are few saleable assets left for Cellino to plunder, but 20-year-old wing-back Byram – who has been compared to Gareth Bale in the past – would bring in a few quid.
Of course, they could just get back into the Premier League…
…but after decades of trying, the 22/1 odds about Leeds lifting the 2014/15 Championship trophy don’t seem to be going anywhere in a rush.