It’s the biggest mismatch since former Arsenal defender Tony Adams started seeing Caprice in the late 1990s (I really don’t know how that happened and it still keeps me awake at night). Just how cruel is it to make the amateurs of Tahiti, thumped by Nigeria on Sunday, take on world and European champions Spain, with their galaxy of stars from Chelsea, Real Madrid, Manchester City and Barcelona?
Here we have the best team in the world against one ranked 138, a country playing against, well, a place that isn’t even a bloody country, yet the two sides will meet competitively on a huge international stage as if they are somehow equals.
You could say it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for the Tahitians and that should be celebrated, and it is true that this is the ultimate David v Goliath clash.
But if we are being honest, this could get really embarrassing and if I was that into seeing people publicly humiliate themselves I would go and see Danny Dyer’s latest film.
What’s more, this match is a bit of a nightmare to bet on – and let’s be frank, that is all that matters here, isn’t it?
Spain are 1/100. Yes, 1/100. And even that probably doesn’t truly reflect their actual chances of winning the match.
If you are on the 22/1 about the draw or the 66/1 for Tahiti, the men in white coats are on their way to take you where you need to go. You’ll get all the help you need there.
So how on earth do we go about getting value on the Spanish win? How many goals will Spain score? And how are we meant to know?
To put this into some context, the first score on the handicap is Spain -3 and that is priced up at 1/100 – the same price as they are to win.
Having let in six against Nigeria, you would imagine that if Vicente Del Bosque sent his players out at full throttle for 90 minutes the score against Tahiti could be anything, making the 7/4 that Spain win by at least ten tempting.
But there is no real way of knowing when Spain will consider it a case of job done. Six goals? Seven? 12?
Even a seven-goal margin is just 3/10, and will these world-class players really want to rub salt in the wounds to a bunch of amateurs? I am not too sure.
But what I am sure of is that Tahiti wouldn’t score against Spain even if they played for the rest of the month and tied up goalkeeper Iker Casillas and hung him upside down from the crossbar.
So even though it is not exactly a working man’s price, the 7/25 that Spain win to nil is like buying money.
No, really, whatever you put on, you are guaranteed to add roughly a third of that total to it at the end of the 90 minutes.
Tahiti have failed to score in four of their last seven (including matches against New Caledonia and Solomon Islands) while Spain have kept eight clean sheets in their last 11 competitive matches.
Take the 7/25, and lump on.