Imagine yourself, just for a second, as an alien. Go on, do it. You can be slimy, multi-limbed, fly a spaceship; it doesn’t matter, just as long as you’ve never seen a football match before.
Now picture yourself sampling the beautiful game for the first time. It’s the World Cup, the grandest of stages, and we’re right at the business end. Brazil are playing Germany in the semi-final.
You’ve guzzled a couple of beers and got a chicken balti pie down your neck, loving it.
Germany have won 7-1, a truly special display of attacking incision and calamitous defending. Thoroughly entertained, you’re slithering your way out of the concourse when an earthling approaches you and says: “Tell you what Greeny, I can’t believe PSG paid £50m for that Brazilian bloke with the big hair.”
Consulting your programme, you realise he’s on about David Luiz and, even in your complete ignorance of planet Earth economics, understand this seems an awful lot of money for a chap who played as though he too was unaware of football’s existence prior to kick off.
The general consensus is Chelsea royally ripped Paris Saint-Germain off in this deal for the Selecao stopper.
Barely trusted to play in his preferred position by Jose Mourinho, Les Parisiens agreed to pay a world record-breaking sum for a defender in order to land the 27-year-old and tonight he’ll line up against the Blues in the Champions League last 16.
With a raft of his teammates on the injury list, many will see the 9/5 about Chelsea claiming the first-leg laurels as a solid profit-making opportunity, but it’s the eccentric centre-back who’ll be celebrating come full time.
PSG can be backed to win 1-0, with Luiz scoring the only goal, at an enormous 80/1 that may well be worth a flutter.
A clean sheet for the hosts is plausible – chief defence-splitter Cesc Fabregas is struggling to be fit for the clash while frontline striker Diego Costa, who hasn’t played for three weeks, is without a goal in eight cup appearances this season.
Luiz has also been present for every clean sheet Les Rouges et Bleus have kept since he made his debut.
Not the most prolific goal-getting defender, the former Benfica man’s three strikes since leaving Stamford Bridge have all carried significant importance.
He notched what proved to be the winner in Brazil’s 2-1 victory over Colombia in the World Cup quarter-finals, opened the scoring in a 3-2 Champions League triumph over Barcelona and struck the goal to spark a comeback against Evian in Ligue 1.