Arsenal man’s comedy calamity proves there are things Germany can learn from England

Germany’s pristine model for harvesting elite football players resulted in die Mannschaft being crowned world champions for the fourth time.

By contrast, England’s best attempts to revolutionise their international fortunes bore no World Cup fruit whatsoever, with the underperforming Three Lions finishing bottom of Group D without a win to speak of.

At 25/1, Roy Hodgson’s men are now rated less likely to prevail at the next global gathering of the finest footballing factions than Chile, Colombia and Russia, among many others, while Germany are available to back as 9/2 favourites.

The success of Joachim Low’s outfit has also jimmied the very same all-too-eager scribes desperate to ram down our throats how ripping pages out of Spain’s tiki-taka playbook would herald English glory four years ago out of their hiding places.

La Roja’s spectacular failure to defend their 2010 crown has seen them kicked off the catwalk though; the Germans are in-vogue now and the Three Lions must do whatever it takes to remould their framework to replicate that which propelled die Nationalelf into soccersphere superstardom.

But the Germans aren’t so great; who cares if they’ve won the richest prize the beautiful game has to offer through unquestionable excellence across every department?

There are plenty of lessons the world champions still have to learn and England can teach them some, behold but a few:

How to party

So outed World Cup fanatic and pop music mogul Rihanna was present at Germany’s post-match celebrations? Big deal.

Famous faces and dropped names are no substitute for a good old-fashioned rave up.

Look at smoking Jack Wilshere larging it in Las Vegas in top shape-throwing condition after partaking in just 90 minutes in Brazil.

That’s how it’s done Germany.

International-standard banter

Here’s Arsenal’s Lukas Podolski coming perilously close to splitting the sides of the entire Twitterverse with this hilarious mugshot sat in the cockpit of die Mannschaft’s ride home.

‘Captain Podolski’ has spared no expense in concocting this particular jape, going so far as to steal the pilot’s cap; what a hoot.

Meanwhile, globally loathed Joey Barton sparked guffaws aplenty with this assessment of England’s performance in Brazil:

“After reviewing England’s performance at the WC, I have decided to renounce my international retirement.”

Chortle, chortle, chortle.

Traffic management

Total gridlock reigns supreme in Berlin as capital-city dwellers festoon the streets to welcome the Germany players back into the country.

Perhaps conscious of the nightmare London motorists face when navigating the streets of the English equivalent, the Three Lions took evasive action by landing in Luton on return home from the World Cup and, to prevent clogging up the satellite town’s streets, they didn’t bother mentioning it to anyone either.

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Having contributed to a variety of sports betting-based journalistic mediums, James joined the bwin fraternity in early 2014. He is an avid Middlesbrough Football Club fan who frequently foresees defeats for both Newcastle and Sunderland while, in spite of his age, he remains an unashamed follower of wrestling results.

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